How It’s Supposed To Feel

You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

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Painting fairy tales and windmills

I’m no expert when it comes to feelings and how love works, and I don’t think I’ll ever be (also, I don’t aim to be one), but like all of us, I do know how it feels like to be happy or miserable next to someone. With more and more people in the wrong relationship, I had to step back and think about how it’s supposed to feel, when it’s really right. Even if is never perfect, it should always feel right.

We spend our entire life looking for love. Happiness is everyone’s ultimate goal, regardless of what shape it takes. For some, happiness might be their dream car or house, while for others is the perfect spouse, or a trip around the world. We learn thorough our mistakes, who we really are, and what we really need in life. We’re not born knowing, we just find out as we go. We might start with an image in our mind of how it should be, and end up in a totally different place than the one we pictured for so long.

Not that long ago I had a talk with someone about relationships and I couldn’t help but notice a huge difference between relationships in the past vs relationships nowadays. When our grandparents were younger, everything had to be fixed, not changed, including relationships. They just aren’t programmed this way, and never threw away their love, feelings, past, and start all over again, with someone else. Getting married, was usually for life. Yes, the access to fast divorces wasn’t an option, but also, they never considered that in first place.

Nowadays, more and more dysfunctional relationships appear. And most of the time, we believe that’s how it’s supposed to be. We struggle to find happiness, but the last puzzle piece doesn’t fit perfectly. Still, we sometimes try to fix something which will never work or give up on the relationship at the first sign of it not going as planned. Even when it’s the right missing piece, we are programmed to throw our feelings away, put our pride and selfishness before the other person and our relationship, instead of working things out with our partner.

What’s the right feel?

Breakups are never easy. We all go through them at one point in our lives, and we all wish we wouldn’t have to deal with something like this ever again.  It’s painful, stressful, consuming, and leaves us with missing pieces of our hearts, every time we lose the partner which was, at one point, the love of our lives. We feel like it’s pointless to even look further for THE ONE, as the past one was the one, and now it’s only a stranger. And then we pick ourselves up, and move further, on the road to achieving happiness, looking somewhere else, and then somewhere else, and so on, until we think we found it, and then we start all over again.

Sometimes what ruins a relationship is the picture in our head of how we WANT it to be. The truth is it will never be the way we pictured it. When something involves more than just yourself, it will never be YOUR WAY. It will be a compromise between what both partners want. Having it your way and not considering your partner’s feelings, means you will end up breaking up over and over again. It will always be something different than what you had in mind, but the question is: how it’s supposed to feel like when it’s the right one for you?

Being stuck in a relationship which doesn’t make you happy isn’t only wrong, but is also useless. It will never keep you on the right track of your life. It will only bring you down, make you question yourself, your choices, your dreams and desires. You will end up in a place where you forget who you really are, what your passions are, and what you used to dream about, for your future.

When it feels right, your partner will bring out the best in you, will inspire you, support you in your wildest dreams, and bring an unexplained joy in your life. Like a missing puzzle piece, the right person will make the image ahead of you clearer. No matter how broken you are, you can see it clear; it finally comes back to you. You know who you are, you are motivated to follow your dreams, you are playful, happy, smiling for no reason, and eager to do more and be better at anything you do. You feel alive, and you two form a perfect team.

The one, will never ask you to change anything about yourself either, and will never let you lose track of who you are, and what really makes you happy. On the contrary. Both of you will blend into a perfect team, an unstoppable power, with the same destination in mind: happiness. And neither of you won’t let anything come between you and your goal.

The right person isn’t perfect. Not at all, but love knows no boundaries. Love knows nothing about social status, skin color, age, educational level, career path, looks, … Love just happens, in the weirdest way, with the strangest person. He/she has a lot of faults, like you also do, but it’s definitely perfect to you. There’s nothing you would change about him/her, and nothing better than their perfect imperfections make you any happier. You choose to be with them not wanting to alter anything, but to keep them as they are, in your mind and heart, just like in the first day you met.

Life is too short to bother with the wrong person. As harsh as it might sound, if someone doesn’t make you feel this way, it’s just not worth your time. You can’t waste the best years of your life, being unhappy, trying to change the person next to you, only to end up old and tired of what still doesn’t work. The perfect fit is never forced, it just works! Besides, its always better to be alone, than to feel alone next to the wrong person.

When you don’t want to lose a single moment of your life together, and when even your dreams seem less beautiful than reality is, then you know you’ve found the one. You will simply know. And when you finally do, hold them, cherish them, and don’t let them go. Love is very fragile and very breakable. Even with the right person for you, you should never take anything for granted, but constantly work on keeping the feelings alive.

Social media, movies, TV shows, tend to promote a very confusing image of how it’s supposed to feel. We are constantly bombarded with images of ‘perfect’ relationships which have nothing to do with real life. Life isn’t perfect, neither are relationships, but it’s all about learning how to dance in the rain. With the right person, anything is achievable and you feel like you can even move mountains (sure you could as well leave them where they are, if they don’t particularly bother you 🙂 ).

Real love doesn’t need to be advertised, doesn’t have to be on any social media, but should only be located deeply in our hearts. Our hearts will know when the right person is the one, and so will we. When it happens, you will finally know how it was supposed to feel, all along.


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46 thoughts on “How It’s Supposed To Feel

      • It’s amazing when it feels this way! I wrote this for one of my friends, who’s going back and forward about if the guy is the right one, and I told her it’s not, because you wouldn’t keep looking, and you would just know it. I know you feel it, once it’s right 🙂 I’m very happy to know you have such a wonderful relationship. I wish you both a lot of happiness and love ❤ x

        Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for your kind words! Wow, 26 years? That’s beautiful! I wish you both many more happy moments together ❤
      I also believe I was lucky enough to experience such powerful feelings and it's wonderful when it works. You shouldn't settle for anything less than this. When you finally feel it, happy gets a whole new meaning 🙂
      Have a lovely evening!

      Liked by 1 person

    • That’s beautiful to read! I’m so happy for both of you! I do believe this is how it should feel like. None of the frustration, wanting to change the person next to you, or feeling like it doesn’t work on all dimensions. I hope everyone will be able to find their perfect fit one day. The only way to be happy 🙂
      Thank you for reading! Have a lovely day!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Gin! I also believe so. Unfortunately, the friend for which I wrote the post, doesn’t quite agree with me 🙂 But I know for sure, this is how it should feel. You just know it, when it happens. Have a lovely day!

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      • Well, if you want to change your boyfriend, and you are not happy with the way he is, but you like only certain things about him, then for sure he’s not the one 🙂 My friend disagrees haha.
        I also was in your situation, and the feeling of going back to being yourself, is amazing 🙂 You just know it’s the right fit and you can’t be happier! ❤

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  1. An interesting post and topic 🙂 I also think that tv shows and movies give us unrealistic expectations of how love should be expressed or what a loving relationship should look like. People seem to forget we are all individuals who react differently. I also have a single friend who goes on dates like they were job interviews, with a list of must-have qualities and achievements, without really paying attention to personal qualities and getting to know the person, instead of his CV. I blame it on Hollywood 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I know what you mean with that type of friend. I wrote this post for one of my friends who does the same thing. She has no idea what she wants, and her picture of what marriage is, and how a relationship should work, is strongly influenced by media. I do hope everyone will get to experience this type of love, at one point in their lives. It’s beautiful to find your missing puzzle piece 🙂
      Thank you so much for reading and for taking the time to leave a comment. Have a lovely evening! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. What a lovely post and all so well said. True love…you know is there when your inner core tells you so. You said you wrote it for a friend but I hope you have someone to dance in the rain with…that person is very lucky! xo Johanna

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for your lovely comment, Johanna! Yes, I wrote it for a friend, as she asked me at one point, how do you know it’s the right decision. And I found the question very weird, as you shouldn’t wonder about it, you should know it 🙂
      I am fortunate enough to have a dancing in the rain partner, and when I met him, it felt just like this. He motivates me, inspires me, and I’m very happy and lucky to have him in my life 🙂 When it’s the right one, it feels so beautiful! ❤ I hope you also met the right one for you!
      Have a lovely day!
      xo ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      • I am so happy for you!!! (and for your partner in life too, you are wonderful;0)) Mr. Walker and I celebrated the anniversary of our first date…30 years ago. Mr. Walker asked me to marry him after two weeks from that date. It is an amazing feeling that you can feel so close and comfortable to someone and yet know him for such short time…and now after 30 years he still amazes, thrills and inspires me. And seeing how he spoils me on a daily base…I suspect I do the same for him ;0)

        Liked by 1 person

      • Aww that’s such a lovely story! I know that feeling very well, and when you finally get there with someone, all you can hope for, is that it will last for the rest of your life, as nothing can make you happier than feeling at home, next to someone 🙂 Many hugs to you two, and I wish you a lot of happiness and love! ❤ xo

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  3. First of all, I really like the painting: windmill, Dutch flag, canals and houses with a happy couple. Love the atmosphere presented in the painting.
    “Real love doesn’t need to be advertised” – I agree with this. Very often judgment on how a person would do when loving someone was influenced by fairy tale from magazines and movies. Scary, as each person has their own personality and their own way in showing care, and love. In my experience, I can tell that you just know when the person is the right one who you wish to spend your live with. You will feel “being at home” or perhaps comfortable when around the person. You just know the person will not judge your appearance and accept you the way you are, and of course the other way around, that you accept him/her as the way they are..
    Thank you for a wonderful writing and reflection 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for your lovely comment, Indah! I’m so happy to know you enjoyed the painting and the post.
      Unfortunately, nowadays, a lot of times, love is measured by how many pictures you post online of your spouse, or how many gifts they bring, so you can brag about it on social media, and not by the special moments and the love they show us. I so hate to see this…
      I know that when you are the right relationship, you feel at home in the arms of your boyfriend, and is the best feeling on Earth 🙂 When you accept him completely, and him you, you can’t be any happier. I’m happy to know you also experienced this amazing feeling!
      Have a lovely day, and thanks once again for reading ❤

      Like

  4. Love the painting Lucy!!! My grandparent ‘s family had a water mill, and they often told me stories about it, when I was a child. What a nice coincidence:)!

    Liked by 1 person

    • What a lovely story!! I love windmills, so I’m sure hearing such stories as a child, must have been exciting. Every time I see a windmill, I’m totally fascinated by it 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed the painting. Hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Such an eloquent post Lucy. I think for Dave and I, who have been together for 36 years, that we are best friends is key in the relationship. It takes work, great communication , mutual respect, encouraging each other’s dreams and goals.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for reading, Sue! You comment made me smile. I’m very happy to hear about successful relationships like yours. That’s such a win, to have someone so special, in your life. I think every relationship takes a lot of work, respect and communication, but with the right person, it feel so normal and easy. 🙂 I wish you both all the best! x

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for your kind words. I’m happy to know you enjoyed the paintings and my gravatar 🙂 I love the picture. It was clicked in Morocco, in January last year, while the entire Europe was covered in snow 🙂 Such great memories! Have a lovely day!

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  6. Such a great post! Well described! 🙂
    For me you just know it when you meet the right one. I have been in a few relationships, and when I met my husband, I just knew. He had everything I was looking for, that the previous did not had. And things just go so well when you meet the right one!
    I am not sure if everyone experience this though. I have some friends that i think are with the wrong person. Anyway, like you say in the end, they are usually the ones that post most on social media seeming so happy. But the reality is different…

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    • I so love your comment. Very nicely pointed out! This is exactly what I see around me. The worse couples post the most pictures and act happy. The ones who are really happy, don’t need to show it to the world 🙂 They just feel it!
      I’m happy to know you also experienced such a strong and beautiful feeling. If your friends think they are with the wrong person, that’s already a start. My friend, who inspired me to write the post, told me basically I’m wrong, and it’s not like this 🙂 I hope she will get to feel this one day, and then she’ll understand. You have to feel it, to understand it.
      Have a lovely day and thank you for reading! You feedback is always nice to read 🙂 x

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  7. Relationships are tough at times, that´s why I am not serious when it comes to them… It is hard for me to take things to a more formal level … But I think that it might because I barely date guys I could fall in love with Sigh… Beautifully penned post, dear Lucy. . 🙂
    All the best to you!, Aquileana 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for reading, Aquileana! Not sure why, but I’ve never been in that state before. I only dated guys with the potential to become my life partners 🙂 If they are not that, I don’t get involved. I give too much, to be with the wrong person. Not worth my time.
      When you will meet the right guy, it will be easy to feel this way about him. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you, so it happens as soon as possible.
      Lots of hugs! Have a lovely weekend! ❤

      Like

    • Aww, congratulations! I’m so happy for you! Such a wonderful feeling, when it finally clicks. I wish everyone will get to experience it, at least once in their life.
      Thank you for reading and for your lovely comment! Have a great Sunday 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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