the one | All Right Choices

You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

Painting fairy tales and windmills

I’m no expert when it comes to feelings and how love works, and I don’t think I’ll ever be (also, I don’t aim to be one), but like all of us, I do know how it feels like to be happy or miserable next to someone. With more and more people in the wrong relationship, I had to step back and think about how it’s supposed to feel, when it’s really right. Even if is never perfect, it should always feel right.

We spend our entire life looking for love. Happiness is everyone’s ultimate goal, regardless of what shape it takes. For some, happiness might be their dream car or house, while for others is the perfect spouse, or a trip around the world. We learn thorough our mistakes, who we really are, and what we really need in life. We’re not born knowing, we just find out as we go. We might start with an image in our mind of how it should be, and end up in a totally different place than the one we pictured for so long.

Not that long ago I had a talk with someone about relationships and I couldn’t help but notice a huge difference between relationships in the past vs relationships nowadays. When our grandparents were younger, everything had to be fixed, not changed, including relationships. They just aren’t programmed this way, and never threw away their love, feelings, past, and start all over again, with someone else. Getting married, was usually for life. Yes, the access to fast divorces wasn’t an option, but also, they never considered that in first place.

Nowadays, more and more dysfunctional relationships appear. And most of the time, we believe that’s how it’s supposed to be. We struggle to find happiness, but the last puzzle piece doesn’t fit perfectly. Still, we sometimes try to fix something which will never work or give up on the relationship at the first sign of it not going as planned. Even when it’s the right missing piece, we are programmed to throw our feelings away, put our pride and selfishness before the other person and our relationship, instead of working things out with our partner.

What’s the right feel?

Breakups are never easy. We all go through them at one point in our lives, and we all wish we wouldn’t have to deal with something like this ever again. It’s painful, stressful, consuming, and leaves us with missing pieces of our hearts, every time we lose the partner which was, at one point, the love of our lives. We feel like it’s pointless to even look further for THE ONE, as the past one was the one, and now it’s only a stranger. And then we pick ourselves up, and move further, on the road to achieving happiness, looking somewhere else, and then somewhere else, and so on, until we think we found it, and then we start all over again.

Sometimes what ruins a relationship is the picture in our head of how we WANT it to be. The truth is it will never be the way we pictured it. When something involves more than just yourself, it will never be YOUR WAY. It will be a compromise between what both partners want. Having it your way and not considering your partner’s feelings, means you will end up breaking up over and over again. It will always be something different than what you had in mind, but the question is: how it’s supposed to feel like when it’s the right one for you?

Being stuck in a relationship which doesn’t make you happy isn’t only wrong, but is also useless. It will never keep you on the right track of your life. It will only bring you down, make you question yourself, your choices, your dreams and desires. You will end up in a place where you forget who you really are, what your passions are, and what you used to dream about, for your future.

When it feels right, your partner will bring out the best in you, will inspire you, support you in your wildest dreams, and bring an unexplained joy in your life. Like a missing puzzle piece, the right person will make the image ahead of you clearer. No matter how broken you are, you can see it clear; it finally comes back to you. You know who you are, you are motivated to follow your dreams, you are playful, happy, smiling for no reason, and eager to do more and be better at anything you do. You feel alive, and you two form a perfect team.

The one, will never ask you to change anything about yourself either, and will never let you lose track of who you are, and what really makes you happy. On the contrary. Both of you will blend into a perfect team, an unstoppable power, with the same destination in mind: happiness. And neither of you won’t let anything come between you and your goal.

The right person isn’t perfect. Not at all, but love knows no boundaries. Love knows nothing about social status, skin color, age, educational level, career path, looks, … Love just happens, in the weirdest way, with the strangest person. He/she has a lot of faults, like you also do, but it’s definitely perfect to you. There’s nothing you would change about him/her, and nothing better than their perfect imperfections make you any happier. You choose to be with them not wanting to alter anything, but to keep them as they are, in your mind and heart, just like in the first day you met.

Life is too short to bother with the wrong person. As harsh as it might sound, if someone doesn’t make you feel this way, it’s just not worth your time. You can’t waste the best years of your life, being unhappy, trying to change the person next to you, only to end up old and tired of what still doesn’t work. The perfect fit is never forced, it just works! Besides, its always better to be alone, than to feel alone next to the wrong person.

When you don’t want to lose a single moment of your life together, and when even your dreams seem less beautiful than reality is, then you know you’ve found the one. You will simply know. And when you finally do, hold them, cherish them, and don’t let them go. Love is very fragile and very breakable. Even with the right person for you, you should never take anything for granted, but constantly work on keeping the feelings alive.

Social media, movies, TV shows, tend to promote a very confusing image of how it’s supposed to feel. We are constantly bombarded with images of ‘perfect’ relationships which have nothing to do with real life. Life isn’t perfect, neither are relationships, but it’s all about learning how to dance in the rain. With the right person, anything is achievable and you feel like you can even move mountains (sure you could as well leave them where they are, if they don’t particularly bother you 🙂 ).

Real love doesn’t need to be advertised, doesn’t have to be on any social media, but should only be located deeply in our hearts. Our hearts will know when the right person is the one, and so will we. When it happens, you will finally know how it was supposed to feel, all along.

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If you use Facebook you probably have at least one friend like this. Which friend I’m talking about? That friend who’s always single during the week, in a relationship during the weekend, and has the acute need to advertise it, like every person they meet is THE ONE.

Then breaks up, deletes all the pictures, and posts a status in which drama is overflowing into every one of their friend’s News Feed. After a few such dramatic posts, someone tries to be ‘nice’ and asks: ‘What’s wrong?‘ or ‘What happened?‘. The answer comes shortly after: ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’ or ‘Message me on private‘. I always have to wonder: Why on Earth do you whine about it in public then, if you don’t want to talk about it?!

This person is very heartbroken, posts quotes about how the nasty ex is guilty for everything bad happening in the world (Ebola and the Global Warming suddenly appear into the picture) and about how strong you have to be during such moments.

After this, the period when the friend tries to appear happy arrives. They post pictures with descriptions like: ‘With my friends xoxo‘ , ‘My dog who won’t break my heart like others do‘, ‘On this amazing trip, getting drunk and having fun‘ and so on.

And this goes on and on for months, until he/she is in a good mood after being in a few months of stable relationship (what an accomplishment! *rolling eyes*) during which you are bombarded with pictures of ‘the meal we ate together‘, ‘us holding hands at my fish’s funeral‘, and other such ‘important’ moments in the life of a couple.

If they don’t break up (which involves again deleting pictures, and posting nasty quotes) they get married after five months and divorced one year later, when the cycle restarts.

I’m talking about that friend which goes on the profile page and when Facebook asks ‘What’s on your mind?‘, takes it too seriously, and uses the wall as a tissue.

Why would some people who barely know you (coworkers, colleagues from school, people you added to play games with) be interested in what’s going on in your bedroom? Isn’t it a bit embarrassing to invite in your bed a bunch of strangers? Oh, you post it for your ex? Right … Please, tell me more about how those posts will fix things between your two, or make him/her feel worse about the way things didn’t work out.

Why does Facebook need to know what’s going on in your private life? If your future employer looks through your profile, would he feel impressed about your changing dates more often than your underwear?

What happens on the internet, stays on the internet. Do you want, in 30 years from now, to have an electronic list of all the people who ever checked-in in your bed?

Believe me, no one cares! You just amuse some of your ‘friends’ (usually the ones who ask for more details and act interested) and get others to pity you, and delete you from their list.

So, do yourself and us all a favor, stop being such drama queens and stop wiping your nose on a status message. Invest the time wasted for all this nonsense, into actually fixing and dealing with what needs to be solved.

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I apologize for the large amount of sarcasm, but it just had to be said 🙂