120 x 40 cm acrylic on canvas painting
120 x 40 cm acrylic on canvas painting
“A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…” ―Elizabeth Gilbert
When we say soul mate, most people instantly think about a life partner, when in fact, it can be anyone. Your soul mate might be your best friend, a relative, a person just passing through your life, or even a non-human being. When you meet that special one, you just know it. You feel it with all your spirit, and your heart finds new reasons to beat for.
Your soul mate will show you who you really are and what you are made out of. Like in front of a mirror, you’ll be facing your strengths, weaknesses, and you’ll get stripped of all the layers and walls you built around you. The touch of your soul mate will bring your true self to surface.
Like the moon, you can’t help but gravitate around. Losing all your physical aspects, your souls connect at a new level, where you learn more about yourself than you ever though it’s possible.
Your soul mate will challenge you. It won’t be easy. You will fight it, your ego will get hurt, you’ll be unhappy with the image in front of you, you’ll make things more difficult than needed. You get challenged, and you challenge back. You reassure, encourage and inspire each other.
Even with all the right sparks, sometimes you just can’t work out your differences. No matter how much this hurts, the truth is that our soul mate doesn’t always stay…
Love doesn’t fix everything. Love isn’t all that matter, no matter how much we try to convince ourselves about this. Love is important, but circumstances and timing are crucial. Sometimes, the right moment isn’t right, and no matter what you do, you just can’t fix it. No amount of love can fix a late or early arrival in your life. No amount of love can fix past mistakes and a complicated situation. Sometimes, you are just not ready for this once in a lifetime moment. And once it’s gone … there’s nothing you can do to put it back together.
Even so, you don’t just love only the good parts of this person, but you love all of them. All the perfect imperfections. They all make sense to be right there.
The thing with soul mates is that our hearts make it more complicated. They touch our heart in such a way, you just can’t get them out of there no matter how much you try. When they’re gone, you just can’t get closure. Closure doesn’t come when someone comes into your life, brings the light which you needed in order to get rid of darkness, changes your entire life, and then continues on a separate path. When your heart is being touched in such a way, there’s no getting that special feeling out of there.
You think you can’t breath or live without them. You suffer and die inside, but all the pain makes you see eventually, that your soul mate opened your eyes to a new life. A better life, and a better you. Maybe you are not meant to stop loving them, but maybe you are meant to love yourself more.
Even if your image of how it should have been was totally different, life has sometimes other plans in store. Sometimes, not getting a fairy tale ending is a better teacher than a positive outcome. A part of you will always love your soul mate, and that’s ok. Don’t regret a single second of it!
Being all alone, in a shelter, can’t be a very pleasant experience for a sociable creature. Unfortunately, it happens more often than needed, for all the wrong reasons.
Some love the idea of a puppy, but can’t handle the fully grown dog. Others adopt a dog only to fill an empty space in their life. Some simply don’t have the time for a dog, and still, they want one. When it gets too hard and busy, regardless the reason, the sad conclusion is that the dog ends up in a shelter, wondering what happened.
Lady has been my shelter dog for the past 2 months. She arrived from a very sad situation, from a home which put her out of balance. Owner with emotional issues and being abused as a puppy equals unstable dog. Unfortunately this put her chances for adoption down to zero.
Gaining the confidence of a damaged dog is an amazing moment. A dog who doesn’t trust people, is a dog which can’t find a home. This is why all my effort was put, during the dog walks, into bringing back the pup she really is.
Going from walking in circles around the shelter in order to build up confidence, to walking longer distances, to walking with multiple people, to playing fetch, Lady went from a fearful dog, to an amazing pup, goofy and happy, ready for a new home.
The day finally arrived, and I’m so happy to know she got the loving home she deserves. To celebrate her success, I had to paint one of our favorite moments together. As she always loved to climb on me and be held, I think this picture says everything about our beautiful connection. 🙂
Thank you for being my doggy for 2 months and good luck in your life’s journey, precious pup!
Love is the most beautiful feeling a person is able to experience. It takes us on the highest metaphorical mountain and makes us feel like we can take over the world. It puts a smile on our face, and it makes us happy for no reason at all. Love makes us feel complete, and like we finally belong somewhere and next to someone.
Not that long ago I wrote an article about the right type of love, and how’s it’s supposed to feel when the person you love is the right one for you. (Read the full post here) However, the more people I meet and the more couples I observe, the more I realize that in life is good to also know how is NOT supposed to feel, and when the right person, just isn’t that right for you.
Relationships are hard. I’d like to say I’ve found that secret recipe for choosing the right one or making it work perfectly, so I can share it with you, but the truth is that there is not such a thing. Every individual is different, and every one of us interacts totally different with others. What works for one, might not work for the other. We all have to just try and see what works for ourselves. However, the signs which you tell us something is terribly wrong, are pretty much the same ones, regardless of the type of person you are or are dating.
What I’m talking about are what I call: the power games, in which one person decides to control every aspect of their partner’s life. Controlling life partners are never easy to deal with, but it can start with making you believe that’s the dream person for you, while in time, everything changes, and the perfect person turns into the perfect nightmare. I’ve seen relationships start like this and end terrible, and I just feel sorry to know anyone goes through such a thing. When things change, is good to step back, look at the facts, and reconsider if that person is the one to spend the rest of your life with.
The signs – evolution of a relationship with a controlling person
Controlling partners can give you a very a good feeling at start and make you believe they can be that someone who loves you, more than anyone before them ever did. It sounds like a dream, but most dreams which sound too good to be true, are most of the times, too good to be true.
It starts with instant jealousy and possessiveness. They are afraid if you keep in touch with your previous partners, you might decide to leave them or cheat on them, so they will get into your previous private life, and look for any reasons to amplify the jealousy. As the past can’t be deleted, you might be ask to delete any remainder of it from the present. Usually, this is the first step into pulling you away from your friends and family, as the possessiveness won’t stop at previous dates. Soon enough, seeing or chatting with your friends or family, will also become a problem, and you will be convinced slowly into giving up on that lifestyle, only to spend more time together, so you make your partner happy.
As soon as your loved ones are out of the way, you will feel the need to have someone to talk to, to be interested in your life, your dreams and aspirations, but soon enough you’ll find out that your partner isn’t that person. Controlling people want you to take interest in everything related to them, and in return, they will just not be there for you, as their lifestyle keeps them too busy. They will become angry when asked to do something for you, or get annoyed with every question you might ask. Asking questions or asking for help is just not an option with a controlling person, however, they will always expect to be helped, nurtured and cared for, even if their behavior might make you want to do the opposite.
In a relationship, is impossible to not come across moments in which you fight, or disagree on things, things break or don’t work as plan, or simply don’t work at all. In this case, your partner will decide that the one to blame is always you. No matter how obvious it is that you are not the one to break stuff or start a fight, you can’t just get a simple: ‘You are right’. And even more, after such a terrible argument, don’t expect an apology, because well … it will simply not come. You have to learn how to forgive without ever being asked for forgiveness, and because you value your relationship more than your ego, you will most of the time, do it.
I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn’t sorry and accept the apology I never received
Next on the list is taking the information you give, and bring you down. You will be made to believe that you are not good enough to fulfill your dreams, to get where you want in life, or even to have a job, for various reasons. All because your partner ‘cares’ so much about you, and is ‘concerned’ about you, he/she will want the best for you, which won’t always be the path that you would choose for yourself in life. And that’s how you end up on a road you never wanted, but which seems like the only option for you, even if that option soon becomes being without a job.
For a controlling person, such a financial twist is the best way to keep you close by, as you’ll become fully dependent, and there’s no way in which you can run away anymore, not even if you want to. As soon as you realize in what a situation you are, you might want to run away, but as all your friends and family were pushed away long ago, you might realize you are all alone, and have no one to turn to. And so you end up staying in your ‘safe’ heaven, reliving every mistake from your past, everyday, affecting indirectly your health and emotional state.
The rules of the game become the following: there’s a set of rules, things that your partner doesn’t want you to do or say. And these things are very important for the peace level and comfort of your home. And you agree to them, even if this means changing your behavior, only to have peace. However, soon is easy to see that even the anger or bad temper that is directed towards you, is not allowed to come from you. The rules apply only to you, and you get boxed in, with walls of emotions and soon fear, for both your safety and inner calm.
Only to make it even worse, soon the rules turn into doing everything as and when your partner says so. You are never right about things, and you never do anything right as it is, so following the guidance is the only way in which you can make the significant other happy. And as soon as you do some things their way, they’re even more unhappy with other things… and is still not good, and you still have to do more. No meeting you halfway. If you wait halfway, nobody will be there to greet you…
The absolute worse part of such a relationship is physical abuse, which most of the time, doesn’t delay showing up, turning your best dream into a living nightmare.
If you made it this far, you probably really love or used to love that person very much. It all started with pleasing the life partner who loves you so much, and ended up with you wondering if this is actually love or not.
As soon as you start wondering, consider a few things.
Most of the time, a controlling person won’t enjoy the company of your friends or family, and their behavior will make you feel embarrassed and upset, and you’ll try to hide all the problems in any possible way. Being tired, sick, upset with work, worried with our finances, might be only a few of the excuses you used through the time, keeping a brave face on, hoping no one will figure out the real root of the problem.
At first, we might suffer from self inflicted blindness. We simply don’t want to see or believe certain things. We are still afraid to open our eyes and see the reality. We make excuses for our partner, and we want to believe in those excuses. We’re afraid to lose our perfect relationship, when actually, there’s nothing perfect to save.
Friends and family can provide very good feedback, when it comes to seeing things from the outside. If they are afraid that you might not be as happy as you claim you are, maybe you should wonder how happy are you?
How many things did you gave up on for the person you love? How many people got cut off? How many friends did you lose and how many family members still talk to you?
Are you still following your dreams and aspirations? Do you still have that career you love, or working to obtain that dream job?
Most of the times, controlling partners will crush your dreams, in an effort to make you stay with them. They will also push away every person you used to love, and cut all your connections with the real world.
In case you are in such a situation, ask yourself what is it that you really want now? If the answer is not the life you currently have, then is time for some changes.
Believe it or not, there are cases in which partners are asked to give up their career for love’s sake. Also, there are people who do it, with the feeling that’s the best option for everyone. Spending more time with your life partner and maybe kids sounds like the dream, but is it always that way?
If you are financially dependent, maybe even if you considered leaving the situation you are currently in, you might find it impossible. If you don’t have the financial power or health state to visit your friends, family, you might get the feeling like you’re trapped in a place you don’t want to be in first place. If this happens, is good to think about what brought you there in first place, and figure out what are your options. Never be afraid to ask for help!
Even if at first it did, now is just not the same anymore, and you feel like you’re turning into a monster, every now and then, without ever wanting to be that person, in first place.
When frustration takes over, you have to ask yourself if being under someone’s domination is what’s best for you. Even those who want someone to be in charge of things for them, need those moments in which they can take attitude and decide for themselves. If you need this, but you don’t have the chance to do it, maybe reconsidering the relationship is a good idea.
Control, manipulation, emotional abuse are never good assets to have in a relationship. Actually, they shouldn’t be there at all. The love between two people shouldn’t make one of the partners feel suffocated, unhappy or mistreated. If that’s the case, then what you have is not called love, but possession.
Love is not about holding on to someone with your teeth, but about setting them free and watch them come back to you over and over again. The right person will never want to change you, or keep you isolated from the persons which mean so much to you. Your happiness will always be their happiness.
Love is not about having it your way, but is about finding the middle ground, a solution which works for both partners, equally the same. Having things your way, proves you don’t value your partner enough, to put the time into finding that happy medium.
Love is kind and love brings out the best in us, not the worse. If our partner doesn’t bring out the best in us, then we are in the wrong type of relationship.
Even from the start, we should always follow our instincts and pay attention to the subtle signs which tell us something wrong is going on. You have to always keep in mind that your happiness, sanity and health are more important than anything else in this world. A stressful life will only end up destroying your health, passions, dreams and your true self.
Even if you think that your partner is a good person, if you are not 100% happy, consider that he might be a good person, but not the right person for you.
Always stay on your path in life, and follow your dreams. Don’t ever let anyone crush the vision you have of your future. The right person is waiting for you somewhere down that road, and a life full of mistreatment and misery, will never get you there. Holding on to the wrong person, will never give you the chance to meet the right one. So, as hard as it might be, pick yourself up, and do what’s right for you! Breath in, turn the page and start a new beautiful chapter!
You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
I’m no expert when it comes to feelings and how love works, and I don’t think I’ll ever be (also, I don’t aim to be one), but like all of us, I do know how it feels like to be happy or miserable next to someone. With more and more people in the wrong relationship, I had to step back and think about how it’s supposed to feel, when it’s really right. Even if is never perfect, it should always feel right.
We spend our entire life looking for love. Happiness is everyone’s ultimate goal, regardless of what shape it takes. For some, happiness might be their dream car or house, while for others is the perfect spouse, or a trip around the world. We learn thorough our mistakes, who we really are, and what we really need in life. We’re not born knowing, we just find out as we go. We might start with an image in our mind of how it should be, and end up in a totally different place than the one we pictured for so long.
Not that long ago I had a talk with someone about relationships and I couldn’t help but notice a huge difference between relationships in the past vs relationships nowadays. When our grandparents were younger, everything had to be fixed, not changed, including relationships. They just aren’t programmed this way, and never threw away their love, feelings, past, and start all over again, with someone else. Getting married, was usually for life. Yes, the access to fast divorces wasn’t an option, but also, they never considered that in first place.
Nowadays, more and more dysfunctional relationships appear. And most of the time, we believe that’s how it’s supposed to be. We struggle to find happiness, but the last puzzle piece doesn’t fit perfectly. Still, we sometimes try to fix something which will never work or give up on the relationship at the first sign of it not going as planned. Even when it’s the right missing piece, we are programmed to throw our feelings away, put our pride and selfishness before the other person and our relationship, instead of working things out with our partner.
What’s the right feel?
Breakups are never easy. We all go through them at one point in our lives, and we all wish we wouldn’t have to deal with something like this ever again. It’s painful, stressful, consuming, and leaves us with missing pieces of our hearts, every time we lose the partner which was, at one point, the love of our lives. We feel like it’s pointless to even look further for THE ONE, as the past one was the one, and now it’s only a stranger. And then we pick ourselves up, and move further, on the road to achieving happiness, looking somewhere else, and then somewhere else, and so on, until we think we found it, and then we start all over again.
Sometimes what ruins a relationship is the picture in our head of how we WANT it to be. The truth is it will never be the way we pictured it. When something involves more than just yourself, it will never be YOUR WAY. It will be a compromise between what both partners want. Having it your way and not considering your partner’s feelings, means you will end up breaking up over and over again. It will always be something different than what you had in mind, but the question is: how it’s supposed to feel like when it’s the right one for you?
Being stuck in a relationship which doesn’t make you happy isn’t only wrong, but is also useless. It will never keep you on the right track of your life. It will only bring you down, make you question yourself, your choices, your dreams and desires. You will end up in a place where you forget who you really are, what your passions are, and what you used to dream about, for your future.
When it feels right, your partner will bring out the best in you, will inspire you, support you in your wildest dreams, and bring an unexplained joy in your life. Like a missing puzzle piece, the right person will make the image ahead of you clearer. No matter how broken you are, you can see it clear; it finally comes back to you. You know who you are, you are motivated to follow your dreams, you are playful, happy, smiling for no reason, and eager to do more and be better at anything you do. You feel alive, and you two form a perfect team.
The one, will never ask you to change anything about yourself either, and will never let you lose track of who you are, and what really makes you happy. On the contrary. Both of you will blend into a perfect team, an unstoppable power, with the same destination in mind: happiness. And neither of you won’t let anything come between you and your goal.
The right person isn’t perfect. Not at all, but love knows no boundaries. Love knows nothing about social status, skin color, age, educational level, career path, looks, … Love just happens, in the weirdest way, with the strangest person. He/she has a lot of faults, like you also do, but it’s definitely perfect to you. There’s nothing you would change about him/her, and nothing better than their perfect imperfections make you any happier. You choose to be with them not wanting to alter anything, but to keep them as they are, in your mind and heart, just like in the first day you met.
Life is too short to bother with the wrong person. As harsh as it might sound, if someone doesn’t make you feel this way, it’s just not worth your time. You can’t waste the best years of your life, being unhappy, trying to change the person next to you, only to end up old and tired of what still doesn’t work. The perfect fit is never forced, it just works! Besides, its always better to be alone, than to feel alone next to the wrong person.
When you don’t want to lose a single moment of your life together, and when even your dreams seem less beautiful than reality is, then you know you’ve found the one. You will simply know. And when you finally do, hold them, cherish them, and don’t let them go. Love is very fragile and very breakable. Even with the right person for you, you should never take anything for granted, but constantly work on keeping the feelings alive.
Social media, movies, TV shows, tend to promote a very confusing image of how it’s supposed to feel. We are constantly bombarded with images of ‘perfect’ relationships which have nothing to do with real life. Life isn’t perfect, neither are relationships, but it’s all about learning how to dance in the rain. With the right person, anything is achievable and you feel like you can even move mountains (sure you could as well leave them where they are, if they don’t particularly bother you 🙂 ).
Real love doesn’t need to be advertised, doesn’t have to be on any social media, but should only be located deeply in our hearts. Our hearts will know when the right person is the one, and so will we. When it happens, you will finally know how it was supposed to feel, all along.